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Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
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9:38 am
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Its been how long???? wow....Maybe not writing has helped build up my stress...Not much has been going on, except that I got a new job as a waitress at the Doral Ale House....If it wasn't for the ppl who worked there, I'd be on a ledge ready to jump, Its a pretty fun job, yet pretty tedious, I fucked up on my first day alone and I ended up having to pay 25 bucks outta my pocket,sorry Edgar I was put under pressure :-( you still did a great job training me lol...but hey its cool, At least I'll never do it again, I'm actually here in school hungry, but broke lol...Today is my day off, so hopefully i'll get to relax a bit with my snugglebunny. Yes I'm still with Orestes, Now that i'm workin' late, and actually doing things in my life, i guess i've learned to appreciate him more, and really make worthwhile the time we do see each other.
I think I'm PMSing, my emotions are starting to go haywire, I hate that shit, the fact that like 2 weeks before I get Aunt Flo I'll cry just about anything....I got some text message last night, which I believe I know who it was telling me some shit about my boyfriend and yadda yadda yadda, Damn its pretty funny how ppl go crazy b/c they're so insecure, I actually get a kick outta it...here's the text word for word "You dirty fucking slut! i love your boyfriend though, hope you die from all the diseases"....-me....OMG...to think that maybe just maybe after ppl almost lose someone or someone tells them things to their faces they learn to grow up a bit, but i guess its the opposite...some ppl just don't grow up, and its pretty sad....At least the other person knew what he was doing...glad to see him with alot of weight off his shoulders :-)...
On another note, a friend of mine died like 2 wks ago, Charlie...RIP...he was 19, died on a motorcycle accident on the way home from work...He was Pauls cousin...i'm sure ya'll remember paul, I went to the funeral with jeanette, she passed out in my arms, it was a really sad place to be. AT least he's in a much better place, resting, not having to deal with the shit that is life....
I've been thinking about someone from my past lately, and its honestly bothering me like crazy, I guess its also the PMS but I do tend to think about him from time to time....It sucks though....sometimes i wish i could go back....but life has already has a path paved out for you, sometimes you find ppl who walk together with for the rest of your life and sometimes you walk with ppl who have another path....But damn....Just to go back for a little while would be really really nice...For some reason I feel as if i've seen him at the ale house like twice, but they're just ppl who look like him...Ugh...I could keep writing and writing, but I just dont' want to....
BTW!! special shot out to SUJEY, and JOEL....I miss you guys and I miss reading your entries....along with everyone elses....but I love you guys and I did get your email, i'm just now working crazy hours so I don't have time for me at all...:-(
-ilene-
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
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11:05 am
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Ugh its been a while, and I usually resort to this when i seriously just need to release things...My eyes were intensely puffy, crying for about 2 hours straight last night, and seriously not even wanting to open my eyes this morning, Life is weird, love is weird, and i'm not too cool with weirdness, i don't like it, i don't deal with it. I want to be alone, like seriously, just don't know how to do that, I love my boyfriend, I really do I just need to learn to love myself first, I've never really had an opportunity to do that...many chances, yet i don't want to hurt anyone, and in the end i keep hurting myself. Bro I have no idea what i'm doing...I know i'm going to school, and i'm proud of myself, I'm trying to get a new job with more hours, i'm starting to run...
Ugh i'm like talking in fragments. I just seriously feel like getting away....running away, and not stopping....
-ilene-
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, January 20th, 2005
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5:00 pm - Question...
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10:26 am
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Damn....I Know have realized that I have changed as a person...Man before, I could be in love with someone, and then see some hot guy and try to flirt my ass off with them...Now in school, there is this adorable guy, but yet, even though i could stare all i want, I just think about Orestes, which is a first for me. Its a pretty surprising situation, but yet feels great. When i was dating Danny, Of course i was in love with him, but I would always look at other guys, not really do anythign with them, but I would look and really think about what if i was single.
Nothing compares to the relationship I have with "Oreo", I went to his house yesterday, and he was all messed up, He'd sprain his ankle, and he was just soooo cute in bed...I completely fell in love with him all over again.
We've spent literally every single day together since the day that we met, and tomorrow it will be two months straight seeing each other. I'm the type of person where I need my space, I really do, there is just something though, that always has me thinking about things twice. I don't want to get bored of him, I really don't...sometimes iguess i'm just really insecure about the relationship, well not really the relationship itself, but more of the lose of the relationship...
Ugh wanted to get some stuff off my mind...gotta get back to class....i'm out...
*smooches*
-ilene-
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
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10:54 pm
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*Blows about three layers of dust off the keyboard*....
OMG, yes i'm alive, and well...been pretty busy, school, work...school, homework, school, boyfriend...But everything is going great, well besides the fact that i'm broke....I'm now making in two weeks less than what i used to make in one...But hopefully once i get this medical billing shit, I'll be bringing in the dough...
I Really miss all you guys..whenever I am home, I do read up, well skim really,I miss the comments, and to babygirl1022, Love the fact you texted me :-D made me smile....
I promise to try and update....Show me how much you missed me dammit!!
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(12 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
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1:06 pm - Phone pics i wanted to post a while ago
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Nosebleed Section @ the heatgame like 2 weeks ago
Me and My SnuggleBunny :-D
( Read more... )
Lots of pics coming soon...but I mean ALOT...its been a while since i post some pics...
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, December 13th, 2004
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1:13 pm
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| Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
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2:56 pm - no no...Thank YOU Ryann loll...
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____Your Life____
[x] They call me: Ilene
[x] Sex: SeXxXii FemAle
[x] My first breath of air: October 7th, 1985 @ 3:42 P.M.
[x] Occupation: Secretary
_____Rewind_____
[x] Most memorable memory: Riding in My Dad's Mustang
[x] First word uttered: don't remember
[x] First best friend ever: Michelle Cervantes
_____Love?_____
[x] Love is: wonderful, yet complicated
[x] First love? : Alain Blanco(well what i thought was)
[x] Love or lust: Love
[x] Best love song: I will Always Love you Whitney Houston
[x] True or false: true
[x] Is there such thing as love at first sight?: Yes
__Opposite Sex__
[x] Turn on's: Eyes, Jawline, Lips
[x] Do your parent's opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: Yea
[x] Sweetest thing a member of the opposite sex can do for you?: Go wayyy out of their way for me
__Picky, Picky__
[x] Dog or cat: Dog
[x] Short hair or long hair: Long
[x] Sunshine or rain: rain( love them rainy days)
[x] Moon or sun: moon
[x] Hugs or kisses: Eskimo Kisses
[x] Written letters or emails: Written letters
____Lately____
[x] How are you today?: Feeling yuckie, Tired
[x] What pants are you wearing right now?: Jeans
[x] What shirt are you wearing right now?: "Boys Like Blondes, Men Like Brunettes" Shirt
__More About You__
[x] What are the last 4 digits of your phone #?: 1517
[x] If you were a crayon, what color would you be?: sky blue
[x] Have you ever almost died?: Yes
[x] What's the best advice ever given to you?: don't regret what you do, regret what you don't do
[x] How many kids do you want to have?: 3 or 2(2 boys and a girl)
[x] What are you scared of most?: Not finding true love, Rejection, Lizzards, and Chukie from childs play
[x] Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone: Ugh Yea...wrists...:-\ fucking MS. D
[x] Who do you dream about?: Orestes
[x] Who do you tell your dreams to?: Orestes, My mom
_____This or that______
[x] winter/spring: winter
[x] hot/cold: cold
[x] cartoons/reality: Cartoons
[x] Best friend/boyfriend: Boyfriend
x] Right handed/left handed: Right
[x] single/taken: Hitched for Life :-D
[x] Only child/siblings: siblings
____Music____
[x] Do you play any instrument?: Piano
[x] 3 favorite genres of music: R&B, Pop, Pop Rock
[x] 3 favorite bands: YellowCard, Linkin Park, Blink 182
[x] What's the most you've ever spent on a concert/show?: 50
____Labels____
[x] Do you think labels are dumb?: Yea
[x] What do people label you as?: flirt, Blonde (not anymore!)
___Relationship___
[x] Do you believe there's a difference between "love" and "in love"?: Definitely
[x] Are you in a relationship now?: Yes
[x] Are you a virgin?: no
[x] What song describes your love life right now?: "Things I'll Never Say" Avril
___Randomosity___
[x] What do you think of designer labels?: like em
[x] Do you sing?: yeah...
[x] What color is your room?: Baby Blue
[x] How often do you bathe?: 2 or 3 times a day
[x] Are you a people-pleaser?: Usually
[x] Do you wear make-up?: Yea...
_Last Person Who_
[x] Slept in your bed: took a nap, Orestes
[x] You saw today: co-workers
[x] Saw you cry: My Mom
[x] Made you cry: Myself
[x] Spent the night at your house?: ANA
[x] You shared a drink with?: Orestes
[x] Went to the movies with?: Orestes
[x] Went to the mall with: My mom
[x] Yelled at you?: My little brother
[x] Said I love you: MY Yogi Bear
____Ever____
[x] Been to NY?: yes
[x] Flordia?: miami
[x] California?: never
[x] Hawaii?: Soon
[x] Mexico?: nope
[x] Canada?: no
[x] danced naked?: yea
[x] Dreamed something really crazy and then it happens the next day?: alot
_The Last Few Questions_
[x] Lucky number: 4
[x] Things you like in a girl/guy:Personality, Eyes, and Sincerity
[x] Weirdest thing about you?: My mood swings
[x] What do you think of ouija boards?: awesome
[x] What book are you reading?: Santeria: A Religion
[x] What's on your mouse pad?: Microsoft Logo
[x] Favorite board game?: Monopoly
[x] Favorite magazine: Lucky
[x] Favorite sound: Orestes' Laugh
[x] Worst feeling in the world: being cheated on(at least now you know ryann :-()
[x] What's the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: If i could call in sick to work
[x] Do you like scary or exciting rollercoasters?: both
___Mind Warp___
[x] How many rings before you answer the phone?: Depends
[x] Future daughter's name: Bella Nicole
[x] Future son's name: Christian Alexander
____Do You____
[x] Smoke?: at times
[x] Have a dream that keeps coming back: yes ;)
[x] Remember your first love?: Yep...always
[x] Still love him/her: Not in the same sense
[x] Read the newspaper: sometimes.
[x] Believe in miracles: yes!
[x] Consider yourself tolerant of others?: yes.
[x] Consider love a mistake: no...
[x] Believe in god: yes
[x] Do you have any piercings?: 5
[x] Have any tattoos?: 1
[x] Hate yourself: usually
[x] Have an obsession: Not really...well with stitch yea
[x] Have a secret crush: Nope
[x] Have a best friend?: My mom
[x] Care about looks: not really
___Love Life___
[x] First crush: A guy named Alan
[x] First kiss: Wally Cole
[x] Single or attached?: attacthed
[x] Ever been in love: yeah
[x] Do you believe in "the one": Of course
[x] Describe your soul mate: Orestes
___Juicy stuff___
[x] Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: Not yet
[x] Have you ever been caught "doing something"?: yep!
[x] Are you a tease?: always ;-)
[x] Shy to make the first move: Usually...unless i really wnt it..
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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10:21 am - I love it I love it I love it
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| Monday, December 6th, 2004
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11:08 am - B/C Ryann is the shit and always has stuff to do lol
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FIRSTS:
1. First best friend: Michelle Cervantes
2. First love: I gotta Say Danny
3. First real kiss: Real real? Wally Cole (5th Grade)
4. First screen name: iblondedreamer13
5. First pet: Happy (Chow Chow) fucker would bite like crazy
6. First car: VW Beetle :-D
LASTS:
1. Last cigarette: Friday
2. Last kiss: This Morning around 12:52 am
3. Last good cry: Last Cry, Saturday, Good Cry: about a two months
4. Last beverage: Water
5. Last food consumed: 3 Egg Whites
6. Last crush: Orestes :-D but now he's my baby:-D
7. Last phone call: Orestes
RELATIONSHIPS:
1. Who is your best friend: My mom
2. Who do you miss the most: My stepdad
3. Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend: Yes I do :-)
FASHION STUFF:
1. Where are your favorite places to shop: American Eagle, Victoria's Secret, Forever 21, Rampage, Banana Republic
2. Favorite item of clothing: Skirts, Thongs, and Chanclets (flipflops)
SPECIFICS:
1. Do you do drugs: Not anymore
2. What kind of shampoo do you use: Matrix Sleek and Smooth or Victoria's Secret Love Spell Shampoo
3. What are you most afraid of: Rejection, Lizzards, Chuckie
FAVORITES:
1. Colors: Pink and Black
2. Foods: all types except seafood, but mostly sweets (cookies)
3. Subject: Literature
4. Animals: Puppies
5. Sports: BasketBall
6. Movies: Romantic Comedies
HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Given a bath: to my gordo tommy
3. Made yourself throw-up: yes :-(
4. Skinny dipped: Not yet!
5. Been in love: yes
CURRENT:
1. Clothes: Jeans, Pink Work Shirt, Black Belt, Black Sandals
2. Music: Clay Aiken "Invisible"
3. Make-up: Powder, Eyeline, mascara
4. IMs: Anthony
LAST PERSON:
1. Made smile: Orestes
2. Hugged: willy
3. Imed: Anthony
4. Last person who slept at your house: Mely?
5. Last person's house you slept at: Orestes
RANDOM:
1. In the morning you are: usually cranky lol
2. Love is: complicated
3. I dream about: Many things
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
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11:15 am - Ugh
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Three Letters. P.M.S!! My God...My stomach is turning, going insanely crazy, i'm bitchy, hungry, I feel fat...Ugh, its never been this bad before...I spoke to Orestes, and its the only thing that brought a smile to my face...and hardly. I want to go to bed, and just lay there in my room, which is always soo cold. I'm craving subways, I want a chicken terrayki sub, with roasted garlic bread, and some onions on it...yum, with cheese..Ugh.. 40 more mins to get get some comida! I'm debating on getting cookies or not, b/c i feel really really fat. I think the only thing that is keeping me going, is going to Disney this weekend with Orestes and his fam(well mom and her boyfriend).
I was actually at their house yesterday, helping them do the Christmas tree. It felt so good...lol...I've never helped a boyfriend put up his tree. *smiles* OoO my second smile today lol...OOoOooO three lol...Please forgive me, I'm really trying to find humor in anything...
Any little cute things to brighten up my day??? pls!!!
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, November 30th, 2004
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2:21 pm
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Ya know...Love is such a beautiful, yet such a scary thing. Some ppl will agree, and others disagree. Last night, Orestes and I were laying in my bed just talking about things, and we got into a subject about sex, I made a comment, and he felt weird. He turned over, and So did I. after like 5 mins, he grabs me, and tells me he's so scared of being just like everyone else i've had in my life. He just looked at me, and tears came out of his eyes. I didn't know what to do, or what to say. I've never had anyone tell me that, and have so much emotion behind it. He looks at me in this way, with so much feeling and love behind his eyes, and even though i've been in love before, and they've gazed at me before, No one, I mean NO ONE has ever looked at me the way he has. I'm scared of it. Its obvious that he loves me more than I do him, but i'm so scared of saying the wrong thing, and him losing that look towards me. What i'm saying probably doesn't make any sense, I really don't even know the right way to put it, I guess since its been so long that someone has actually shown me ginuine love, or affection, that i'm terrifed to lose it. There are times when i'm with him, that I don't want to be. I don't want to let myself fall any more than I already have. I dont want to get hurt. I dont' want to hurt him. I don't want a relationship, reason being b/c I'm scared of the pain that comes with it, after its over. I've fallen before, and I've experienced the heartache, and suffering that comes with it. I mean you put so much into one person, one relationship, one situation, and for what? You give so much of yourself to one person, and you don't know whats going to happen. I see one of my friends going through the heartache i once went through, I had forgotten about it for a while, but reading her entry has just brought back everything I went through myself, All the lonely nights, all the tears i cried. The depression I went through. I dont' want to go through it again. I know i have to give this relationship a chance to take a different course, but Ugh! I'm just soo scared. Sometimes I tell myself it isn't true. Sometimes I tell myself that its impossible to have such strong feelings for another person so quickly. I have to keep on telling myself, just so i could save myself. But yet, i don't feel it right. I've already given a lot of myself to Orestes, and I feel that he deserves all of me. Its just the fact I can't give it to him. I feel that everything he is, is just a dream. He's the type of guy that a girl wants. the type of guy who will show his emotions, tell you his real feelings, and be completely open with you. I thought that guys couldnt get any better than Danny, and You know what?! Being with Orestes, I been proven wrong. but i can't help thinking what if? what if this is all a front? what if this isn't real after all?
I know i'm thinking wayyy too much, but I can't help it. I miss him so much when i'm not with him, but yet i feel weird when I do end up seeing him. I dont' know what to say to really show i'm how i'm truely feeling. I know i have mixed feelings like crazy. I want to love him even more, but i'm scared to do so. He doesn't deserve to be compared to a past relationships, and he's not being compared, but unfortunately All i could think of lately is the heartache i've been through, and see what other ppl are going through, and it terrifies me just to know that it could happen to me again..
OMG! I tell you....fate and destiny is a crazy thing. I'm thinking all these things, and feeling all these emotions, and that new song by MARIO "LET ME LOVE YOU" plays...and just lastnight, he called me on his way home, playing it for me...dedicating it to me...
( Let Me Love You )
--Ilene--
current mood:  scared
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, November 29th, 2004
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11:39 am - "Never Miss N/E 1 from your past...theres a reason they didn't make it to your future"
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well...been a while since i update...I'm so tired today...reason being I was Orestes house til 2, and we had taken a lil nap, and man, once i go to sleep, wakin' up is a bitch...I love just fallin' asleep in his arms....:-\ I miss him. He and I started this adorable book called "All About Us", its like a lil questionare you fill out together to know your fears and dreams. Its a great little thing to actually get to know someone....
Thanksgiving was pretty weird for me. My dad was dying to see me, so i headed to my grandma's house, but my dickhead uncle, and stepmother were there, and that totally fucked up my night.. like seriously! I was dying to go back home, and be with my mom and little brother, I just don't feel comfortable there anymore. (grandma's house). I loved the fact my mom got off though, she was looking soo good, and my stepmothers face was just in awe, and my dad the brightest shade of red lol..I loved it!!! Went back home, ate, waited for my Yogi bear...but while i was waiting, I went outside, smoked a cigarette, and just started praying out of the blue. I don't know what came over me, but I had to. I had to thank God foreverything I've gone through in my life recently, and for helping me get through it in one piece. I thanked him especially for my mom, and I even prayed for my own "enemies" to feel the happiness that i've been lately...Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone is blessed in one way or another, it just sometimes might take time to realize it. I'm especially thankful for Orestes. He's seriously brought so much more to my life, more than I thought I deserved. He seriously is such a great person, and as i've said before, the fact my momma likes him, its even better :-D
( yea theres more )
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
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12:13 pm
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*sigh*...I'm so tired, plus i had some weird ass dreams last night. Oh well...I headed to the heat game with my yogi bear (orestes) corny, yes, our special thing, always :-) I'm not going to get to see him today, and its seriously going to suck ass. He's heading to a Paul Van Dyke concert, and Ifhe doesn't seem all too bothered, I might go to quench with the girls. but *gasp* omg, I don't feel too right about going without him...
Well I'm bored at work...I'll most likely be back....YES!!! I have tomorrow off, and Orestes and i are going be with each since morning :-)...
OMG btw...I need everyones help! I have NoOooOoO idea what to get him for xmas. any pointers? I want to get him something meaningful, and then his birthday is Jan 6th, and For that i want to take him away on a weekend getaway like to the keys or Orlando or something...pls pls give me suggestions! i'll love you forever!!
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
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3:21 pm
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Because <lj user="somaterialistic"> always gives me something to do...
well, here goes:
you know you were a kid in the 90s if...
bold the ones that are true for you
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCH!"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air."
4. You wore biker shorts under your shirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on "Blossom." (and "How rude!" comes from Stephanie on "Full House")
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars. those were the days
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales."
12. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail Day in computer class at school.
16. You played the game "MASH." (Mansion Appartment Shack House)
17. You wore a Jordache Jean jacket and you were proud of it.
18. L.A. Gear
19. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.
20. You remember reading Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and all the Ramona books.
21. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF."
22. You wanted to be a Goonie. Truffle Shuffle! Boodie Trap!...
23. You even wore flourescent clothing.
24. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
25. You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
26. You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
27. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
28. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence.
29. You remember Hypercolor T-shirts.
30. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
31. You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up.
32. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets.
33. You owned a pair of jelly sandals. LIke in every color
34. After you saw "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?" ..
35. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
36. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
37. You even got seriously injured on a Slip 'n' Slide.
38. You have even played with a Skip-It.
39. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
40. You've gone through this list occasionally saying "awesome."
41. You remember Popples.
42. "Don't worry, be happy."
43. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights.
44. You wore socks scrunched down.
45. "Miss Mary MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK, with silver BUTTONS, BUTTONS, BUTTONS all down her BACK, BACK, BACK!"
46. You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
48. You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
49. You remember watching "Rainbow Brite" and "My Little Ponies."
50. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool. dude i had allll the merchandise :-)
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell."
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi.
55. You played and or collected "Pogs." holy shit i still have them!!!!!
56. You used to pretend that you could transform into a Power Ranger. During lunch thats all weee would do! |
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(comment on this)
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2:50 pm
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| Monday, November 22nd, 2004
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1:29 pm - you make pp go badoing do-ing
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12:36 pm
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Through this past year, i've had my ups and downs with alot of things, and ppl. I had a bad break up in the beginning of the year, which was truely devastating, went through bad shit during the summmer, dated a scumbag, and alot of other things, i never though i would get out of all the shit i was going through, and now when i look back on everything, I couldn't be happier that i went through so much this year. This year I truely have so much to be Thankful for starting with my mom...she has truely been there for me through thick and thin, I never even though i would be so close to my mom...Now i can't see myself without her...and just so many other things...Friends have come and gone this year, and i've been completely ok with it. Everyone you meet has a purpose. I don't know man...I've changed so much this year, especially lately, and i honestly believe for the better...I have my bad days just like everyone else, but I don't let them get to me as before. I'm just overall happy...and Now with Orestes Its like I've reached this state of Happiness that I never thought possible...the one thing i'm the happiest about though, is that He wasn't the reason I decided to change, and make myself a better person, I did it all my own, and I was happy alone for the first time, I guess God had blessed me or w/e, for finally doing things myself. I dunno, sounds all corny or w/e, but I feel like such a new person.
It seems so soon, but Orestes and I are dating, like officially, He and I both tried to take it really slow, but we couldn't...We're so connected that it even scares me sometimes...we talk about everything, and we're so honest about our feelings...I don't where he and I are going to end up, but i'm happy, and w/e might happen between us, I feel like such a better person b/c he's by my side. He's so different than anyone i've met, he actually respects my house, he's so shy to go upstairs unless I tell him its ok, he's so "correcto", like he actually has morals, and he knows how to treat a lady. He's very upfront with his feelings, and he's so cariñoso, I've caught him so many times, just staring at me, i can't help but blush. I don't let anyone look at me, I get so shy, either that or ppl look at me to find my flaws. He doesn't, He looks at me with such ginuine eyes, there are so much feelings in them, its really overwhelming. For the past two days, we've been together from about 10 in the morning til about 3 or a bit later the next day, i've been bitchy, happy, tired, sleepy, and just about the rest of the seven drawfs, yet he's still there, and still holds me and talks to me as if i'm the most perfect girl in the world. He hasn't even crossed the line with disrespecting me in anyway. The other day, we were making out in his car, and things got a little heavy, but it didn't get anywhere b/c he says that he really cares about me, and he doesnt' want to ruin such a great thing by having sex at the wrong time. Dude..???! Hello! where did this guy come from???? You don't met ppl like that anymore...ay..I miss him...time for a little phone call...
*smooches* to all
-ilene-
BTW sorry my adorable, lovable little joel about saturday....i'll make it up one of these days i promise ;-)
current mood:  happy
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(10 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, November 18th, 2004
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2:56 pm - wwwwwwwwwtttttttttttttttttttffffffffffffffffffff!!!
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HOw the fuck can ppl be such fucking assholes bro!!! like OMFG!!!!!!! ahahahahaha i wanna to fucking rip that dickheads head off!!! dude...here's the story...ya'll know that dickhead i dated, Paul...well i have 2000mins with sprint per month...I got another phone and another line with it...of course i gave him the other phone, and he would always tell me that "oh when he gets money, he'll give me some for the phone"...alright fine...i never excepted it at the moment, and then we broke up, he told me he'd give me money for the phone...i said good..w/e...i find out he was using my phone to call his ex, and bla bla bla...I call his stupid ex today to get money for the phone..two hours later he calls me from her phone, saying he's not going to give me shit, and he said not to call stephanie, and that he fucking put a restraint on me for slapping him..can you say fucking pussy!!!! LIKE UGH!!!!! He fucking called me a stupid bitch, and that i'll be fucking with the wrong ppl...ha...he doesn't know who the fuck he's fucking with...he swears that he's this hot shit motherfucker..when he's nothting but a fucking scumbag! I'm so heated its not even funny...I can't help but laugh...Ugh wait..just wait til my mother gets involved...does he not know that, for starters...my mother knows practically the whole hialeah cop squad, and she knows ppl in the FBI and she's really tight with two undercover cops??? dude, like wow...he has no idea what he's in for...I have this fucking urge to go to his house, and oh wow..just let all this fucking anger out...i'll fucking beat the fuck outta him...to like the point where he can't even breathe...i swear!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
but you know something funny also...the fact that i'm still heated, but yet so happy at the same time...I'm so bothered, but as soon as think of how great my life is without him...I can't help but smile and calm down...and now the fact that God has put this awesome guy in my life just adds to my joy...but don't get me wrong...you don't fuck with me while i'm heated...not too many ppl are on my bad side...just like one...I have ppl i don't like, but not on my badside...Paul, is at the fucking top of the list righ taobut now...and i swear on my little brother, thomas lazaro diaz...that he's going to pay...and a very high fuckign price...i put my life on it.....
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11:20 am - it always comes around...Back to you
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Sorry i have that song in my head...wow...John Mayer is just freaking awesome...*sigh* I really really wanna go see him @ Jingle Ball...ay toto...lol...
Another great day...Looks like rain, pero bueno...a little rain never hurt anyone...Today is my Gucci ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) rushthug's Birthday..and Christina's...We're heading out to Quench tonight..but thats a regular Thursday thing LOL...We're gonna get fuuuuuckkkked up right eli??? I don't want to be able to walk outta that club without help lol...Tonight is going to be a little different..Orestico is coming with me :-D...YEY lol...I'm nervous, what if he doesn't like what i'm wearing? What if i don't dance to his liking...ahh i've never been like this...Like I want to look and feel perfect tonight lol...I really really like him lol...He and I are SOoOoOoo alike...we're the biggest dorks together...we laugh, and stay the stupidest things i swear... lol...Like last night, outta the blue we both said the same fucking line from "Old School"...so freaking random, but it was the same exact thing, and i dunno..it was awesome lol...
Obviously he came over last night, He went to play pool with his boys for a while, and then left a bit early to spend time with me..."aww" lol...We were outside of my house in the patio, and he just pushed me on the floor, and we were laying together looking at the stars, and talking...he was holding me the whole time, and it was just awesome...like he really seems too good to be true...he says the same about me...we're both scared, b/c it feels soo right, soo soon, i'm not used to that...like even with danny there wasn't this comfort so soon lol...i'm so scared its not even funny. He and I both want to take it slow, and not rush into anything, but for the both of us its, hard. We really like each other alot...He doesnt' want me to operate on my ears...which sucks..but i'm going to do it anyways...
Yea my ears stick out just a bit, and I can't stand it anymore, thats it, i gotta get 'em done lol...and before the new year lol...b/c next year i'm doing my boobs :-D 32 C baby :-D either that, or just a fulllll B lol..ya know, nice and round boobs.
Oh yea...warpedout we'll both have our weddings in Disney ;-)
current mood:  giggly
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